Newsletter

Let's be honest.  Most people do not share the intimate details of their personal relationships with anyone.  We’ve all heard “you never know what really goes on behind closed doors!” 

 

Thanks to social media, everyone can portray their “perfect” marriages and families with beautiful pictures of fun and happy times together.  Unfortunately, no one has a perfect life or a perfect relationship.  As a therapist, I wonder why some couples wait so long before coming to counseling.  Sometimes a life changing event brings them into treatment.  There may have been an affair, a death or an illness of a family member.  These events can trigger the unraveling of a relationship that was never really healthy from its foundation.

 

Life happens, no matter what.  We can only control what we can control…meaning “have the courage to change the things you can.”  We cannot control life’s challenges (and there are many!)  But, we can do something positive when we react to them.  Relationships with lies, secrets, cover-ups and denial only continue to build-up resentment.  Eventually something gives, the damn breaks and the flood gates open.  Sometimes we see the cracks and the pressure building up but our denial keeps us stuck and we don’t do anything until it is a disaster.

 

Don’t wait for the disaster!  Here are some signs that could indicate something may already be wrong in your relationship:

• Feeling distant or disconnected:  All couples have ups and downs but when you are more often preferring to spend time apart and share activities with others it may be bigger problem.

• Repeated conflicts without resolution:  Everyone has arguments.  We can misplace our anger and it can be our partners who suffer most.  Communicating after the conflict for resolution is crucial.

• Overall feeling of tension:  Worried about what you say or how you say it…keeping secrets to avoid confrontations, lying…all create tension in a relationship.

• Lack of intimate contact:  This can be linked to more serious medical or mental health issues or it could be simply a diminished affection between the two of you.  This is not just sex but also more casual cuddling and touching.

   

This is only an abbreviated version of some areas that you may notice have changed in your relationship.  If so, seek professional help sooner rather than later.  It’s easier to fix your relationship than you may think with the appropriate intervention and support.  Relationships last longer because two people made a choice to keep it and work for it.